Soap is not a condiment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
