that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
