Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
