And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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