the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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