She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
