I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
