Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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