he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
