you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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