Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
