Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
