woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
