I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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