i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
