So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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