this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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