yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
