So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
