tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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