The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
