I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
