i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
