I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
