He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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