What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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