im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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