We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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