i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
