David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
