So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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