My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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