it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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