The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
