1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
