return my video game
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
