Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
