when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
