Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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