I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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