found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize