The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
