I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
