I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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