i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
