I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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