I wish I could teleport
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You can't special order awesome
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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