i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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