He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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