I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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